Austin Beards

Beards are all the rage in Austin, Texas.  A majority of the guys here have beards and they are really proud of them.  It looks like the whole confederate army is here on vacation.  Also, when you grow a beard it turns you into the most knowledgable person on any subject.  "You can't question me!  Have you seen the beard?!?!"  

I also got this doosy from a bearded bartender:

Me: nice bar you have here.

Beard: it is not a bar, it is a craft cocktail lounge.

Me: whatever tickles your whiskers.

Beard walks away.

New Diet

I came up with a new diet and it is really easy.  This is what you do.  Order a pizza at a restaurant.  Make sure your slice is nuclear hot.  Then stuff it in you mug and absolutely fry the ceiling of you mouth.  Viola!  Now you can't eat or taste anything.  The pounds will melt off.  Thank me later and hopefully your teeth don't fall out.

Awful Shirt, Worse Person

If someone buys this shirt or the one below it, it should come with a rusty rake shot to the face.  You are total meat sauce if you think this is a great shirt.  Please stay at the gym.  Everyone other than your workout "buddy" thinks you are an insufferable jack ass.  The Jersy Shore guys think this shirt is horrible.  Again stay at a gym and hopefully it is your home gym.