Delivery Duel

I was riding up the elevator in my office complex with a FedEx guy.  On the second floor a DHL delivery guy jumped on the elevator.  I said, "Ooooooohhhhh, fight, fight, fight!"  Neither of them thought this was funny but I got a kick out of it.

Swimming Relay

How much better would the relay in Olympic swimming be if any member of your team that was not swimming next could cannonball the crap out of any other swimmer on any other team?  Does not matter what lane or what time.  Would there be more injuries?  Yes.  More laughs?  Hell yes.  More entertaining?  F yes!

"Can Phelps bring home another gold for the United States?  This will be it!  Oh god, what a devastating cannonball by the Italians!  The United States might not finish this race.  Someone wake up the life guard and call a doctor."

Gold.  

Where Are They Now...Chinese Gymnists

I would love to see a "where are they now" on the Chinese national team from two games or more ago.  I am afraid of what journey that would take us on.

Sand Dollar

Why is there a marijuana leaf on every sand dollar?  Honestly.

Meathead Gear

This is an actual shirt someone produced.  Can you imagine the meat stick that thought this saying would be awesome?  It gives me dumb chills just reading it.

Pony Tail

When a man decides to grow his hair out and put it in a pony tail does the government automatically issue said person a guitar?

Peppa Pig's Dad

The man who does the voice over for peppa pig's dad for sure drives a windowless van and hangs out at chucky cheese.  Creepy as hell!

Asparagus

I ate way too much asparagus at this wedding.  I just took a piss and I think I farted out of my penis.

Robe

If you think it is alright to wear a robe to Starbucks you should get out of Starbucks and into a psych ward.  The reason there is no pic is I was sure he would stab me if I tried to take one.

Comforting

New Name

I was watching Dateline and they introduced a guy and his name was Matt McCool.  All I could think was, "hello new Vegas name."

Phone Number

Do they really need to repeat this phone number forty times in a 30 second commercial?  

Urinal

Anyone with an IQ above their foot size would see this set up and know that this urinal spot was out of service.  Not in Marana, Arizona.  This means you use the trash can instead of the urinal, not the open stall.  Tommy Trucker had zero issue with pissing in the trash can and telling me that is a real weird set up.  That person is driving a semi truck around the country as you read this.  Scary shit.

Blended Margarita

Look lady, the bar does not serve blended margaritas.  Order something else.  Stop bitching about it every time the bartender is near you.  If the fact they did not have a blended margarita really, "ruined your day" then by all means let me go find a blender to put your hand in and see how your day is then.

Coca Cola + iPhone

Time magazine just did a bit on what happens when you drop and iPhone in boiling Coca Cola.  Why does anyone need to know this?   What are the chances this happens?   Next up, this is what happens when you feed your dog cement....

Peace Symbol

If you have one of these on your car it means you are an awful driver.   Never seen one of these on a car that was driven by a smart person.  The symbol really tells everyone, "hey fellow drivers, I am shitty driver!"

Heated Toilet Seat

You never realize how great a heated toilet seat is until you don't have one and really need one.