Boogie Boarder

If you wear a wetsuit when you boogie board you are a total jackass.

Super Happy Las Vegas TSA Worker

Eat a bag shit.

Dental Visit

I know, I know I need to floss my teeth more.  Honestly, I do floss but you keep pointing to the fact that my gums are bleeding as the clue that I don't floss my teeth enough.   The real reason my gums are bleeding is you floss my teeth the same way a cowboy ropes a calf.  I could floss my teeth every ten minutes and I would still bleed after one of your flossing assaults.  You are getting your whole body into it.  This should not be a workout for you.

Oh, and that little hook utensil you use.  It does not feel like a mouth massage when you catch my gum on that hook, it feels like the crap the Japanese used to do to POW's in WWII.  I am not sure you even need that thing anymore.  Everything else has been upgraded in your office except that medieval device.  Get with the times, that thing is still around because you like screwing with patients.   Sell those to Iran and lets upgrade and make the appointment a little less painful.

Wendy's Commercial

The new "Wendy" in the Wendy's commercial is making me homicidal.  There is no way anyone that eats that much Wendy's would be:

1) That thin.
2) That smart.
3) That condescending to everyone not eating Wendy's.
4) That not dead from heart disease

If I was eating at my desk and some co worker with a shit eating grin came up to me and criticized my sandwich, I would hit them in the face with my wireless keyboard.   Especially if it was a ginger.

Another note, remember when the real Wendy was doing commercials?  They dropped her like a hot rock for this slender, soon to be porn star chick and no one thought about plus size Wendy's feelings?  Doesn't she own part of the company?  I am sure she did not say, "Get my ugly tub of goo off the commercials and put in sassy pants".   I feel bad for her.

Racist?

I am not the type of person that sees racism in every aspect of society but this is pretty blatant.  

Kindergarten Graduation

Maybe I will feel differently when I have kids, but it seems parents are making a pretty big deal out of this "graduation".   "You worked really hard!  Congrats to my Timmy!"   Timmy would have to work harder not to graduate than to.  Honestly, aside from taking a dump in the sand box every week, how do you not graduate Kindergarten?  Let's take a step back in congratulating our kids for everything they do. It will make the big accomplishments seem less important if you are celebrating him not getting cake in his hair.

Gary Busey's Teeth

Holy shit.  It is like someone installed an enamel back stop in his mouth so his tongue could have batting practice.  I am surprised poachers have not taken him down.