Discount Tire

I want to be pissed at the Discount Tire guys for blowing off my truck to help this hot chick with huge hammers but I would probably do the same thing.  Sadly, if they are helping woman depending on their weight and hotness, the woman next to me might be here until Thanksgiving.

SHH

What kind of Mickey Mouse bullshit is this?!?!?  

What's in a Name?

This is either the smallest strip club or the biggest vagina ever.

Community H

Thanks to the dude who left his Preparation H in the stall in our bathroom at work.  This bathroom is one of the most disgusting places in the country.  See previous posts for other evidence.

Jean Shorts

If you are morbidly obese, maybe you should avoid these threads.  

Powerball Interview

I was watching the Powerball winner get interviewed today and he seemed like a nice enough guy.  What was sad was when introduced he was with his girlfriend who seemed like a real sweetheart.  What is sad is that chances of her being his girlfriend by the end of this month is about nil.  Too bad, they seemed like a nice couple.  I look forward to seeing you on, "The lottery ruined my life" in ten years.  Honestly, I am just jealous because I still believe I will win some day.  Please send pics of your new girlfriend.

Jogging in Jeans

99.7% of the world thinks jogging in jeans is a terrible idea.  My neighbor can care less what others think.  Apparently he is immune to chapping.  

Boardwalk Etiquette

On a recent trip to Mission Beach I noticed that many people are not aware of the unsaid boardwalk etiquette.  If you break the following rules you cannot be mad when you get run over by a bike or throat socked by a random:

1. The most people you can have walking next to each other is three and three is pushing it.  You CANNOT have your whole family walking side by side like your own version of "Boardwalk Empire".   I don't care if Jenny is telling a hilarious story, you will have to listen from the back row sweetie.   Nothing is worse than the want a be gang of 16 year old ass bags that think they are tough walking 5 across like they are walking into Tombstone.  Your dad rented you a beach house in Mission Beach there Capone, you are not tough.

2. If you do not know how to skateboard, maybe a crowded boardwalk is not the place to learn.  The result is always the same.  Stupid girl/young boy trying to learn falls off rocketing the skateboard into a crowd of people consequently taking out someone's ankle mid evil style.  Learn that shit when no one is around.  BTW laughing while saying sorry does not help the mom that won't be able to walk for a month.

3. If you have to stop to answer your phone or look at a pod of dolphins, MOVE TO THE SIDE AND OUT OF THE WAY!   This is just common courtesy.  If not your phone or other yourself is getting a Viking funeral.

4. Take the porno session on the sea wall somewhere else.  No one wants to see you face banging your lady in the middle of the day.  Take her to the dumpster behind Hamel's Bike Shop.  Believe me, she has probably been there before.

5. Keep and eye on your toddlers.  It seems like every time I go out here I see some toddler almost get road pizza'ed by a bike.  The bike rider usually always gets the worse of the situation going over the seawall or eating it.  Make sure your kids know to look both ways when trying to cross the boardwalk. It is not that hard.  It will take little Timmy one bull dosing to ruin your trip.

6. I know we are outside but can you please wait to smoke when there are no one around you or following you.  Again, common courtesy.  I had more of the cigarette than the fuzzy foreigner in front of me did.

7. This is the United States, we walk on the right side of the boardwalk.  If you cannot figure out this basic gesture please go home and for the sake of god do not drive in this great country.

8. It should be against the law to walk on the boardwalk with a Speedo on.  Nuff said.

9. If you are going to cat call some chick you better make sure her much bigger than you boyfriend is not in the group up ahead.  Just saying, happened to this guy I know that looks a lot like me.  Long time ago but ageless wisdom.

10. Be aware of your surroundings.  You are not the only person on the boardwalk.  When in doubt, move to the side.  If you are confused, move to the side.  Lost, move to the side.  Drunk/stoned, move to the side.  Try not to be a dick or your will get your nose knocked in.  Trust me, I have seen this happen way too many times.

There are plenty more that I am probably forgetting but these are the ones that really stick with me.  Can't we all just walk along?