Shopping Cart

I have a few words for the people that cannot find the time to return your shopping cart to the little shopping cart coral; I hope your house catches on fire and just when you think you are going to get out alive, there is a shopping cart bloking your way.  It really is not that hard to walk the addition 30 feet to return the cart.   You are not in that much of a hurry.

Sidenote: I am entertained by people who vigorously whipe down their cart with the anti bacterial whipes as if they are wheeling that bad boy into surgery or some shit.  They do this to protect them from the disgusting bag of germs that had the cart before them.  Yet, once in the store they touch their carton of milk, fruits and veggies, and whatever else they need all while touching their face, children, and food without a care in the world.  Let me let you in a something, the guy stocking those shelves is not exactly in a Haz Mat suit when he does his job and he sure as shit does not wash his hands after using the restroom.  That should make you feel better about your food. 

Dear Hollywood

Can we not crap out a vampire movie for at least another year?  Vampire Academy?!?!  Are you dry baggin' me?  Who thinks of this garbage?  And don't you dare trot out those Twilight dildos again.  Enough is enough with that extended abortion of a movie series.  

God's Gift

No pressure on this kid.  Someone should slap his mom.  Sounds Swedish.

Handicapped Bathroom Stall

Am I supposed to treat the bathroom stall like I treat the handicapped parking stall at, say a grocery store?   Am I ever allowed to use it?   I have and I always feel a little pang of guilt when I saddle up on the handicapped toilet.  [Sidenote: the handicapped toilet is a little higher than normal toilets.  What is that all about?]   Love the space, hate the guilt.  Look, I have not seen a handicapped person in my office complex in at least five years.  If I knew there was one on our floor, that stall is all his.  But when I am on DEFCOM 5 turd alert and that is the stall that is open, I am sprinting in.  Sprinting not to rub it in that I can but sprinting because I do not want to buy a new pair of slacks.   Does anyone know the protocol here? 

"Tons of Capital"

So I get stuck talking to this guy that is looking to start a business.  He convinces me to meet with him because he has "tons of capital" to invest in this business venture.  When I see him for the first time I know I have totally wasted my time.  Here is some free advise my man.  If you say you have tons of capital, you might want to invest some of that capital on a new shirt and a whole lot on your grill.  It looks like you mistook a grenade for an apple.  I did not know teeth could go that direction.  Maybe, just maybe then people will take your business venture seriously.  What a waste of time.