Sexual Assault Ban

Just saw a politician on TV saying that she is trying to pass a bill that would ban sexual assault on college campuses.  Seriously?   Isn't sexual assault already against the law?   What would this change?   People will not stop committing sexual assault because you banned it on campus.   People commit sexual assault because they are evil assholes that think they are entitled to another person's body.  A ban will not change that you moron.   Then the person conducting the interview called her courageous.  WHAT?   What is courageous about that?   Who is going to stand against this bill?  No one.   No one is FOR sexual assault!  Most politicians are so full of shit they think something like this really works.   How about a ban on murder on campus?   How about a ban on cutting people's heads off?  I personally would like to see a ban on taking a dump in someone's backpack.   All these things are against the law so banning them does NOTHING!  If you are courageous for this ban than I am courageous for waking up this morning.   What I did was actually tougher.

Sleeper Hold

Don't call CPS on me but there has to be a sleeper hold you can put on an infant right?  Not to harm but just to make go to sleep when I want.  Just a thought.

Elevator BO

If you do not wear deoderant, you should not be allowed to get on an elevator.  I would have rather got in an overflowing J Jon than ride in an elevator with this guy.   His BO gave me a headache and acid indigestion.   Please use the stairs or a shower sir.  

Jack in the Box Bag Sniff

In the new Jack in the Box commercial the lady is famished while at work.  Nobody panic, there is Jack with a bag of his "food"!  The lady grabs the bag, sticks her mug in it, and takes a big whiff.  Surprisingly she does not keel over right there or begin throwing up uncontrollably.  In the commercial the smell of the bag quenches her appetite.  Thank god for Jack in the Box!  (Those words have never been uttered before 2 am, ever.)

Whoever thought this commercial up has obviously never stuck there nose in a bag of dogshit/Jack in the Box.  

Seat Warmers

The seat warmer in my car make me have to crap like nobodies business.  If I drank a Starbucks hot chocolate and had my seat warmers on I would have to get my seat reupholstered.