TSA Assist

Hey prick, that handicapped women you are wheeling around is not a battle ram/snow plow.  Take it easy.  You almost made me handicapped twice with your ram till I move style.  Once you get passed me guess what, more people.  It is crowded.  Chill out.

Tight, Stretchy Yoga Pants

Should never, under no circumstances, be worn by men.  I would have taken a photo but I was in a men's locker room and that is good way to get your teeth fed to you.

Steak Sandwich

The deli that I ate at today does not have a steak sandwich on the menu.  You know how I know this?  Well, the 80 year old dipshit in front of me kept on asking if they could make him one.
"I am really in the mood for a steak sandwich.  Are you sure you cannot make me one?'
"Sir, we do not offer steaks or anything grilled."
"It would really not be that hard to make."
"Sorry, we don't have the means to make you one."  
"Are you sure?"

Hey, old man winter, are you listening to anything she is saying?  If you wanted a steak sandwich maybe your wife should have dragged your bag of bones to a place that she KNOWS has a steak sandwich instead of wasting the time of everyone else in line.   I don't go to a Mexican Food restaurant and ask for lasagna.  Just take your pastrami sando and choke that bad boy down and get out of the way.

Starbuck's Drive Thru

The Starbucks drive thru should come with these rules:

1) If you are ordering for 10 people, go inside.   Otherwise the 10th coffee should be thrown in your face because you obviously have no concept of the other people in the drive thru.   That large of an order can be understood and tolerated inside.

2) If you do not know what you want, you should order inside.  Most, if not all, Starbuck drive thrus are crowded so you have time to think about your order.  If you don't know the sizes or drink combos, take your questions and your free time inside.

3) Friendly banter with the person taking your order or serving you is reserved for inside as well.  Not to say you cannot say "thank you" or "have a nice day" but asking how little Jenny is doing in preschool is inside garbage.  You like her pullover and would like to know where she got it?  Go inside and try that shit on. 

4) Ordering multiple breakfast sandwiches?   You guessed it, get your ass inside for that BS.

5) If you are hard of hearing, probably best to order inside where you can hear a little better. 

6) Once you move forward, there is no going back.   Like life, this is just the way it is.  Deal with it.

7) GET OFF THE PHONE!  "Let me call you back, I am in the line at Starbucks and about to order".   That was tough.  Don't you dare get back on the phone before you pay!   That is a good way to get strangled.

8) If you are not good at parking your SUV, maybe the drive thru is not for you.   Maybe driving is not for you either.

9) If they made a mistake on your order, GO INSIDE AND GET IT FIXED!  You do not go back through the drive thru.  The air inside the store is not toxic.  You will get your order taken care of better in there than through the drive thru.

10) If your paying mechanism (cash, credit card, gift card) is in your purse, than maybe, just maybe, you should have your purse within grabbing distance.  Not in your back seat where you cannot reach it.  While you are back there try and locate your brain.  It is not that hard.

Soon I will rant about the people in the store but that is for another time.

Office Carpet

So this is the carpet the management company went with in our office hallway.  I have already found two people on the floor having seizures and one guy talking to the fire extenquisher.  If I look at any thing white I can see this pattern and it is telling me to punch the mailman.  Worst. Office building. Ever.

What I Learned at My Garage Sale

1. People are pretty critical when buying other people's crap.   "$3 for a phone charger??!?!?  You guys are crazy!"  Then don't buy it dipshit.  You probably don't even have three dollars.

2. People love baseball hats.  The hat could say, "I am retarted" and it will sell if it is under $5.00.

3. Garage sales attract fat people.  Lots of fat people that don't care much about their personal hygene. 

4. $15.00 for a nice knife set is "outrageous".  It was like I slapped this man's wife he was so irritated by the price.

5. There is a whole culture of people that just drive by garage sales real slow and window shop the garage sale.  Real creepy people.

6. People have no problem leaving their car running, run up to the garage sale and run back to their car.  This happened multiple times.   Like they were late to the next garage sale.

7. 90% of people that shop at garage sales a have a mental disability.

8. Garage sales can be a family outing.   You can also leave your family members at the garage sale if they bought something you wanted.   This really happened.

9. Mexicans are scared of Great Danes.  Very scared.

10.Your neighbors do not like your garage sale.

11. White trash is becoming my most hated segment of society. 

12. It hurts your feelings when people show up and leave without buying any of my crap.   Like my crap is not good enough.

13. When the sale is over you somehow have more shit than when you started.

All in all, garage sales suck.  It does make you feel better about your standing in society though.

CMA's

Do they hold the Country Music Awards every other month?  I feel like every time I watch a sporting event, they are advertising for this crap.  And I like country music.