Note To Self

Do not tell a bi-polar, psychopathic, "woman" that she cannot get on the party bus. They will punch you in the face without warning. I am hoping she might have been a tranny cause she had a solid right hook. If you know she is crazy maybe you should give your buddy a heads up too before he leads with his face.

Bathroom Band-Aide

I would like to thank whomever took off their disgusting, bloody, disease ridden Band-Aide and left it for the rest of the office bathroom users to dispose of. You truly have no shame. I hope you get a flesh eating disease.

OJ Simpson

I just heard someone on the radio scream that OJ was framed and never murdered Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman.  I am not sure how dumb you have to be to believe this but I am thinking you have to be pretty blind to facts.   OJ had blood in his car, could not account for parts of the night, had beat her and made threats to kill her in the past, and a bloody glove was found on his property.  I know you are going to say Mark Furman planted that glove.  Seriously?  What does he have to gain by doing that?  And don't even bring up Kato.  What turd that dude is.  I think it was proven that OJ had a slight anger problem when he was put in prison for armed robbery and threats in Vegas.  Pull your brain out of your back side and look at the Nicole Simpson.Goldman case again.  It is a total joke that he got away with murder and I don't care that he lost in civil court.  That is crap.   Hey I murdered your family member but some cash that I will never pay the full amount to your family should make you feel better and give the kids their mom back and Fred his son back.

The same people that believe he was innocent are the same people who also believe that Michael Jackson was just giving those young boys a health exam/full body cavity search with his face.  Come on people, just cause you liked their music or their career does not mean they are pure souls.   By the end, Michael had a face that made Skelator look like Brad Pitt and was fully addicted to pain meds.   The guy had a damn theme park in his back yard and liked to climb trees. Great things for adults to come over and enjoy right?  More like great bait to use to fish for influential and innocent boys.  Great artist, terrible role model/babysitter.  To the adults that would let your kids go over to this "man's" house after the first accusation, you lose all parenting rights forever.  Why not just leave your kids in the lion cage at the zoo?  I am rambling.  To sum up, screw you OJ.  OJ supporters, eat a bag of dicks.  Michael Jackson sycophants, get a life and some help.   Parents, use some common sense.

Nap Head

Is made 100 times worse when you are a news anchor.

Women's College Bowling

Really ESPN? There is no other sport on right now?

Drunk Golf Tips

If Tiger Woods only knew that the drunk in front of my foursome yesterday had the fix to his swing then he would be leading the masters by 5 strokes.  This guy had all the fixes starting with is neck position to his back leg.   He had all the tricks, I guess Tiger would have to get past the fact this wizard could not get his drive past the ladies' tee his first two drives.  I guess Tiger needs to hit the booze like a dump truck too and use the F word as your only adjective for anything.  Tiger also needs to blame is 4 putt on the grass that made up the greens as well.  You are right buddy, it is the greens, not your alcohol intake or that you suck at golf.  Stick to watching the game at your local watering hole and telling the patrons how great you are because in person you are a total wreck, kind of like your liver.

Burger King

BK,

If you expect me to believe that David Beckham eats at your restaurant then I would also like to buy some beach front property from you in Nebraska.  No one in their right mind eats at BK and they sure as hell do not got there for your "fresh" smoothies.  The only time I eat at BK is in the Las Vegas airport when I am usually hungover as hell and would eat a shoe.   You had a good run BK, but it is time to go the way of the Dodo.

Crack

Just say no to crack. Especially if it is staring at you like so.

Halibut

Everyone,

If you are at a restaurant that is serving halibut and you say, "I think I will have the Halibut just for the Halibut", the server should grab your butter knife and stick it directly up you nose.  This is not funny or witty.  I know you think you are funny but you are not, you are a jackass.   Anyone that has ever been a server has had to stand through some turd order halibut that way and everyone of them will give you the coutesey laugh when what they really want to do is shoot you.  Congrats, you officially suck.