Hangover

Why does my body have to be so pissed that I tried to kill it with booze last night?   The revenge of the hangover is unacceptable.  I have drank about three gallons of water and have zero urge to urinate.  It feels like I placed a chlorine tablet under my left eyelid.  My brain is trying to escape through my right eye so that feels awesome. My swamp butt is off the charts.  It is as if all my sweat pores are closed except for the ones on my ass.  Remember the movie Aliens?   You know how their blood was like acid.  I feel if a spit on something it would melt like in the movie.  I farted in my office and the fire sprinklers almost activated.  I also feel like I have not slept in a month.  The only thing that sounds remotely appetizing is bacon and I can only eat so much bacon in one day.  I have to mental capacity of a three year old right now.  Thinking hurts. I have to go to this engagement party and after one drink I am going to be right back to 1 am last night.  The over/under on people I offend in the first half hour is six.  Place you bets.