X-box Pants

Something tells me this guy had a rough jr. High School/High School experience. Not sure if this guy has ever kissed a girl but by the way he is standing, that might not be his thing.

Superman Tattoo

If you have the Superman symbol tattooed on your arm you better at least have muscle.  This "guy" in the grocery store had his Superman tattoo rocking but he looked about as buffed out as Kermit the Frog.   Hit the weights Kermie before you get inked up with Superman's gear.  That is like me getting the NBA logo tattoed on my arm.    

Little League Worldseries

The only reason I watch this sport is to watch little Johnny have a melt down and cry his eyes out on the mound. Buck up little camper, your dad will still beat you when you get back to the motel for not allowing him to live his failed sports career through you. Maybe mom will let you take a sip of of her thirst buster size gallon of wine she snuck into the stadium. That might dull the sadness.

Elevator Etiquette

Here in the United States of America when the elevator doors open, and you are waiting to get on, you let the people that are on the elevator get off first. Apparently in Asia, when those elevator doors open it is full bloody riot time to get on the elevator. Kids, seniors, and physically disabled people be damned. Just push and shove to get in that box. I wanted to push back but they could have been ninjas and I was late for happy hour.

Costco

I love the idea of Costco.  What I hate is the people in Costco.  People at Costco make airport people look like Rhodes scholars.  Today it started in the parking lot.  I understand that you are morbidly obese and hitting you will cause more damage to my vehicle than your body but get the hell out of the road!  Then we get inside and the insanity starts.  Everyone checks their brain at the door.  The following are just a couple of hits from today's Walmart trip:

- Shirtless kid running around the store.  Where is his family?   Where is CPS?  Most importantly, where the f is his shirt?   I saw the kid ten minutes later still by himself.  He really needed to go play inside the refrigerator.  Parenting at its best.

- Clueless woman pushing her cart down the middle of the aisle.  I try to get around her and she acts offended that I need to get by.  I should have slapped her in the face with the six steaks she had in her cart.

-I love the free samples as much as the next guy but people act as though we are in a famine when they get around these stations.  By the way jackass, there is a line.  Don't just walk up and grab a pizza square.  "I am sorry, I am in a hurry."  Oh but you have enough time to grab a pizza square?  You are not in a hurry either, you are at Costco.  If you are in a hurry, go to 7-11.

- A kid having a full on melt down because his mom would not let him have the free sample of ice cream.  I have no clue why she did not let him have any but this kid screamed like she just cut off his big toe.  And he would not stop screaming.  His parents obviously just ignore this little bedd wetter when he acts up but do that at home and not in public cause now we are all being punished.

- Guy trying on a sweatshirt, deciding he did not want it, and putting it back in the pile.   Now some poor sap is going to wear the same sweatshirt this wife beater wearing hobo just tried on.

- So many fat waddles that I stopped counting.

- The guy who acts like he does not notice the checkout line and just cuts in from the opposite angle and thinks he is next.  This happens every time I go to Costco.  

- A guy smelling the socks.  WTF!?!?!?

I really like Costco.  It is just a warehouse of idiots.  Thank god I got a tub o pickles though. 

Fast Track To Diabetes

Screw the fact that your kid will have diabetes by the time they are 10, it has whole grain!

Things I Noticed at the Strip Club Last Night

1) Their bathroom is nicer and cleaner than the bathroom at my office.

2) The DJ does not take requests.

3) They are "dancers" not "strippers".  Look toots, you are taking your cloths off for money, don't try and class up your occupation's name.

4) I heard a couple of old school songs that I want to upload to my iPod.

5) Apparently when I ordered a Jack and Coke I really ordered a Coke with an eye dropper of Jack.

6) There was no weight limit on the dancers.   At one point it looked like someone parked an RV on the stage.

7) Dancers cannot use their real name.

8) Asking someone not to sit in your lap because you are afraid she will break your femur is frowned upon.

9) Suggesting that a dancer should change her name from mercedes to dump truck is severely frowned upon.

Powerball

Am I the only person when I play powerball and lose, is a little bit disappointed?  As if I ever had a chance but still it is like, "Well shit, there goes all those awesome plans I had for those winnings."  And awesome plans they were.

Adult Pee pads

Only in my office bathroom do they resort to modified adult pee pads because of the animals that work in my office building. Welcome to rock bottom Neanderthals.