McRib

Somehow the McRib is back.  Are there really people that eat this sludge formed into ribs?  It is shaped like it has bones in it but it contains no bones.  Why?  I know it is probably made of the same "slurry" that they make their McLigaments (McNuggets) from but with "pork" instead of "chicken".  I do partake in McLigaments from time to time so maybe I would like the McRib.  No thanks.  The pickles make no sense either.  I have never been eating ribs and thinking, "These need some pickle slices on them".  If it was not popular they would not bring it back so they might be onto a segment of the population that is into modified dog food.   Miki D's do not make a whole lot of mistakes so I will just laugh at the asinine commercials.

Macy's Sale!

Dear Macy's, you send me an email every day about your extended sale.   If your store has a sale every day than that is not the sales price, it is just the price.   Please stop.

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I did not realize before my last post that to make up for the awesome view, the Marriott gave me my own torture patio complete with blood drain. This make up for everything.

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Thank you Tucson Marriott for the wonderful view. It really brings back memories of my college days.

Atheists

You guys do not believe in God.   I get it.  I have no problem with that fact.   What I do have a problem with is the militant atheists that make it their life's work to ban anything and criticize everything that is related to someone else's beliefs.   Now, I get it, some religious wackos are annoying and I think most people would agree, but atheists believe anyone who believes in God is one of those wackos. These people believe that a cross or nativity scene in a public arena is tantamount to having a display of a dude raping a donkey, actually they would prefer the donkey show.  Why are you guys so mad?  If you do not like the cross, keep walking.  I don't try and shut down your bongo circle when I see one.  Now you guys are wanting to be called humanists.  What the hell is that?  Fine, tell you what, if you guys wanted to put your little symbol on the lawn of the capital during whenever your beliefs say to, I won't give a shit.  By the way, your symbol, did you have a third grader do that one for you?  A circle with a person in the Missy Misdemeanor blow up outfit in the middle!  Wow, awe inspiring.  See how easy it is to poke fun at symbols?  You guys do know when you go to holiday parties and start spouting your garbage that nobody wants to talk to you right?  You are alone because you are annoying as hell not because no one is as intelligent as you think you are.  Nothing like insulting someone else's beliefs during the holidays to get a party rocking.

Another example, the turd sampler at the bar tonight.  I am trying to watch the football game and this ass hat is talking as loud as he can about how Christians are all dumb because they believe the earth is only 2,000 years old.  I am sure some literal Christians might believe that but the majority do not.  Does he only talk to "Christians" that were born in 1248 ad?  Then he started to bang on christmas songs and how he hates ALL of them.  You hate little drummer boy?  Rocking Rudolph?  Here comes Santa Claus?  Ok, that last one drives me pretty insane too but in the right setting, it is great.  I would love to go over to this enlightened asshole's house and see what he digs.  I would also like to see super enlightened fuck wad call out some muslims on their beliefs.  You know why he won't?  Because he is a coward and knows they would probably behead his ass or at the very least he could be called a bigot.  Christians are an easy target because, for the most part, they will not confront him.  He also said he would like to tell kids that Santa does not exist.  First, I wonder how long it would take for some parent to clean your clock after you did that and second, is your life that miserable that you must ruin someone else's hopes and imagination?  I wish that I could go to your wine party and tell your friends that global warming does not exist.  I know that would ruin your precious party.  I bet I would be slapped and evil eyed to death.  I will respect your beliefs if you respect mine.  That is unless you are a nudist.  Hey, tubby B, no one wants to see your dime package swinging around so throw on some gear and tell your wife that once her tits start looking like someone put about half a cup of sand in a tube sock, she should cover those bad girls up.

Don't get me wrong, not all atheists are like that.  I just hate the ones that think they are somehow better than anyone that does not tow their line.

Go Santa!

Minivans

My mom told me once that she thinks that only fat or dumb people drive minivans.  I used to think she was just having a bad day but lately I think she might be onto something.  Tell me this, if your were coming up to a red light and you had these cars to choose from to get behind; an accord, a pick up truck,  or a minivan, which one would you pull behind?  No one would pick minivan.  And if you did pick minivan you are driving one.

For instance, yesterday morning I was driving home and a minivan just shoots right out into the street and almost into my lane.  At the light the minivan pulls up and sure as shit, fat white trash woman smoking a cig with about 4 kids in the car.  She had the fat and stupid part down to a tee.  Lady, try looking both ways before pulling into traffic, put the coffin nail down, try some contraceptives, and look into a treadmill.   Minivans are like the fat kid in 4th grade, slow, dirty, and in the way.

You Know What You Would Like

We all have that one friend/acquaintance/co-worker that you just do not jive with entertainment wise.

"Hey Salty, you know what show you would love?  The Mindy Project!  It is so funny."  I instantly know this show sucks a fat one.   This is the same jackass that thinks Jimmy Fallon's Capital One commercials are funny.  Oh, and if you think those commercials are funny, please stick your face in a blender.  Is that funny?  Well that is how I feel every time that bag of ass commercial is on.

"You know you should watch that movie the Green Lantern.  Pretty good movie."  I would rather have dick splitting gonorrhea than ever see that movie.  I don't care if this person suggests a movie that is up for seven academy awards, since they like it, I know I will hate it.

"You have to check out this Youtube clip!  It is another lip synch video to Call me Maybe!  Those clips never get old."  Ah, yes they do.  You know when they did?  When the second one was made.  Stop showing me your friend's daughter's girls volleyball teams version.  There are 4,000 versions and they all make me homicidal.  

And my favorite, "You want to hear a funny joke!?!?!"   From you, fuck no.  Can I listen to bunnies being strangles instead?   Sorry, but your idea of entertainment is my idea of torture.