Beyond Scared Straight

Thank you Beyond Scared Straight for making me beyond scared knowing this person exists. Is this a ghost? Is this an albino sasquach? I know a prison cannot hold this entity. He is out there watching, waiting, and there could be more.

Visine

Apparently Visine has a expiration date and when it expires it turns to battery acid.  My left eye is still burning and I used it over two hours ago.  Thanks Visine.  Eye patch here I come.

Chewbacca

I know that the economy has been tough but for Chewie to shave his body, marry Lamar Odom, and move to Dallas, just stinks of desperation.   What happened Chew?  Just yesterday you were high fiving Ewoks and captiaining the "Falcon".  Put a call into Hans and turn it around bud, this is unacceptable.

Taco 12 Pack

If I am at a party and someone came in with a Taco 12 Pack from T Bell I would not think he is rad, I would think he is:

1. Poor
2. Stoned
3. Mentally Challenged
4. Not invited
5. Mad at the host

What is even worse is in the commercial T Bell gives crap to the people who bring chips, ice, and dip.  F that, just behind the guy who brings alcohol or skanky hot chicks, these are some of the most important people at the party.  Taco Bell then claims that the Taco 12 Pack shows that you have at least eleven friends.  Wrong again.  If one of my "friends" offered me a taco from Taco Bell at a party I would think he is more than likely trying to give me diarrhea or was trying to poison me.  Taco Bell taco breathe is awful.  You could rob a bank with a Taco Bell burp and now I am supposed to eat one when I am trying to meet people.  Why don't I just go gargle a dog turd while I am at it.  

Also, if you did bring the Taco 12 Pack what are you saying to the host about their food?  "I think your food is so poor I decided to bring this hot garbage."  At the very least you have pissed of the host and the other eleven people you are giving that dog food to.  Come on Taco Bell, clean it up.

Toyota Tundra

Ok, I get that Toyota is trying to make this truck look extreme.  I get that they are supposed to be catering to younger gen x types but the snowboarding commercial is retarded.  First, I know they are fictional, and that the Tundra really did not do a barrel roll, but do we really need the disclaimer at the bottom that the Tundra is not a snowboard and should not be treated as one.  Then another disclaimer saying that the Tundra should not be used to do barrel rolls in.  Really?!?!  There are about three people to blame this on:

1. The "X" treme athlete/ Jackass the Movie loving/Bam Margera poster having/ Monster Energy Drink guzzling D-Bag that thinks, "Wow, that truck just did a barrel roll.  I should try a barrel roll in my Element."
2.  The snowboarder that thinks, "Hey, I know I have only snowboarded six times but hell that Tundra just did a barrel roll, I should try that.  I mean, I am drunk and that truck is probably sober."
3. The ambulance chasing lawyers that tell the two previous brainiacs that they were wronged by Toyota because they had tricked them into thinking they could accomplish the acts depicted in the commercial.  Some Jury then wants to punish Toyota because they are Toyota and rewards these stooges and their lawyer some huge amount of money.

Now 99% of us that don't huff glue know that you can't barrel roll a truck but because some ass hat lawyer we have to have these disclaimers on everything.  Thanks again.  Now, I am going to go stick the gas nozzle in my mouth and drink away, oh wait, the little sign says not to do that.  Thanks God!

Pre Work Stretch

Apparently at Walmart you need to stretch before you start work. Even more surprising is that #12 tells their workers to take a dump before work. Advise that I am going to take into account before I get to work from now on.

Fred Savage

I just saw a part of The Princess Bride and there was Fred Savage playing the little bratty kid.  What happened to Fred?  Last time I saw him in something recent was in Sienfeld when Krammer went to LA.  How do you go from Wonder Years to nothing?  I mean, I think I still have a crush on Winnie Cooper.  What happened to her?  Actually screw Fred.  Where did you go Winnie?