Misstache

Females are not supposed to have mustaches, period.  I have no clue how you are not seeing that mini Sanchez every time you look in the mirror.  You are talking with your little sister, who is showing signs of cultivation on her upper lip too, about how you cannot wait until you meet someone and get married.  Here is some advice there Magnum, that caterpillar you have hibernating on your upper lip is like male kryptonite.  No dude in his right mind is into that fuzz.  Maybe one out of a country is into that and he is probably making a skin suit a la Buffalo Bill.  Get a razor and go to town on that upper lip and you will get a dude.  We are not that picky but some shit does not fly.  I did not get a look at your pits but by the length of your mustache something tells me you got two puppy Ewoks living under your arms.  Razor that crap too and run some deodorant in those bad boys and you will be face banging in no time.  Wow, look at you!  You look like a woman now!  Now go slap your dad for wearing the Gilligan's Island hat and we are all square.