Self Checkout

Self checkouts at the grocery store should be for people that:

A) Are in a hurry
B) Have few items
C) Have operated the system before.
D) Are not scared of technology.

Self checkouts at the grocery store are NOT for people that:

A) Are over 70 years old.
B) Are shopping for a family of 50.
C) Have produce and do not know how to operate the machine.
D) Are with kids that run off.
E) That want to socialize with the checkout assistant.  This is for the regular checkout line.  If you want to talk about the rain we have been having, go over to the old school checkout.
F) Are writing a check.  Know what, you should never use a check at the grocery store anymore.  Honestly, it is 2011.
G) Are on the phone.
H) Are stupid.  You know who you are.

Also, if you are standing in the 15 items or less line and you have 25 items, I should be allowed to slap you with one of your items of my choosing.   You know what line you are in.  Don't play dumb or confused.  All grocery stores have this line and you know where it is.  It is the one with the huge sign denoting that it is the 15 items or less line.   If you miss that, maybe you will notice everyone else has 15 items or less and are pissed at you.  One more thing, a bag of five apples is one item, not five fat man.  Stop giving me the stink eye.  Plus slapping me might cause you to burn some calories and we know you don't want that to happen.